quirks

Do you ever stop to notice the quirky little things that YOU do that no one else does? Here are a few that I have noticed about myself lately....mainly because they have elicited questionable reactions from people lately:

I am a trash-folder. I have a serious problem with this. I can't crumple my trash....I must fold it before throwing it away.

I am an obsessive gum-chewer. I can't eat anything without chewing gum afterward. I hate the feeling of my teeth being dirty. Even having a beverage other than water makes me have the need for gum. And if I don't have any.....look out.

I can't straighten my legs completely. I have tried, many times, to do stretches and the like, but I cannot flatten my knees. It causes me massive amounts of pain. And mockery from my dance-teacher roommate.

I can't go to bed without washing my face. And often it is my favorite part of the day. Apparently I have commented on this many times, or so my roommate informs me.

I have to shower in the morning. Even if I have taken a shower the night before. I don't feel awake unless I have showered in the morning.

I had a much longer list, but I can't remember them all now. And I don't want to make myself look too freakish and/or insane.

i hope you dance....

I have observed several things about dancing lately.

First, I think dance is a beautiful art form. My roommate is a dance teacher, and I have developed so much more appreciation for dance since living with her. Three years ago I never would have been addicted to a show called So You Think You Can Dance.

But the above paragraph is, of course, in reference to trained dancers who have been taught technique and how to interpret music.

My observations come from the rest of the population.

I think dancing is something we all long to do, but the fear of looking stupid keeps us from moving to the beat of life. Seriously. It takes someone who either has no concept of self-consciousness or someone who actually doesn't care how they are perceived to be able to dance. Or, in some cases, just large quantities of alcohol.

But still....you have to grudgingly respect someone who will just start dancing when no one else is.

Case in point: Last Friday a group of us went to Bill's Blues Bar in Evanston, to hear....yes, a blues band. Shocking, I know. The layout of the bar was in no way conducive to a dance floor, yet dance floor there was. Started by one guy just dancing in the middle of the floor, all by himself. Anyone dancing along looks somewhat awkward, but it's worse when it's a guy. But the great thing was that this guy really didn't care. Maybe he was really drunk, but still....is that what it takes to rid us of our inhibitions? Because of course, those of us watching snickered a bit at his clumsy motions, myself included. It was incredibly amusing. But like I said, I had to give the guy a little credit.

A similar case happened at The Decemberists concert. Several people were dancing...and in this case, I use the word "dancing" loosely...and it made us laugh.

I think this is what holds me back from being one of those people. I laugh at them. And like a lot of other people, I don't want to be laughed at. So I am not a dancer. But something inside me really wants to dance sometimes. And I can only bring myself to really dance when I know without a doubt that no one can see me.

I am learning that I am a person with many inhibitions and insecurities. I broke out an old Sarah Masen CD last week, and discovered a lyrics that I had forgotten..."let's rip through the seams of our insecurities."

It struck me as beautifully accurate about myself.

So yeah, I got all that out of watching some guy dance in a bar. And some song lyrics.


(smile.)

summer in the city

I have been spending a lot more time in Chicago recently than I used to, and I find myself falling more in love with the city every time I'm there. Last night, on the recommendation of several people, I joined some friends in seeing The Decemberists play a free concert at Millennium Park. Arriving at 6:00 for a show that started at 6:30 was definitely not early enough, as the crowds were swarming already, but fortunately we were meeting some people who had been there since 4:00. Which was still not early enough to sit close enough to see the stage!

The concert was great--The Decemberists were joined by the Grant Park Orchestra, which was very cool. I was unfamiliar with their music prior to last night, but must say that I enjoyed their story-telling through song immensely.

The part I did not enjoy was the rain.

During the concert, it was more of a sprinkle, just enough to be annoying but not really to be a nuisance. That is to say, not annoying enough to make you leave. The real deluge came later.

Caren and I had not eaten dinner yet when the concert ended, so the whole group of us wandered a little ways down Michigan Ave to Chipotle. The rain had seemingly stopped by then....or so we thought until we were in line and Caren looked out the window and pointed out the sudden downpour. So it was on-again, off-again while we were eating. (We also had a slight delay at Chipotle due to a restroom situation--they require a key to get into the restroom, and the manager told us someone was in the women's restroom and to just wait until they came out. As far as I know, no one ever came out. So Caren and I took the plunge and used the men's restroom. It was fun to see the looks on the guys' faces when we came out.) But by the time we needed to leave it was of course pouring again.

So we ran for it.

It must have been hilarious to see six people jogging down Michigan Ave in the torrential downpour. By this point I was barefoot, since running in wet flip flops is never ideal.....running in flip flops any time is never ideal.

So the car ride home was fun. Caren and I felt bad for the guys, who had to ride the train back. I had to wring out my hair and my sweater before getting in the car.

And I think the rain may or may not have fried my phone. It wont' turn on anymore.

But it's a small price to pay for a good story....

sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself...

So the other day, I had to laugh at myself. The only other alternative was to be completely embarrassed.

I was trying to explain to someone where the Hancock building is, and I was 100% convinced that it was on the left side of Michigan Avenue if you're driving north. Except that by left, I actually meant right.

The really sad part is that I was completely adamant that I was correct, to the extent that I actually looked at the person trying to correct me as if they were stupid.

And then I realized that I don't know the difference between right and left.

So I've been forming an L with both hands lately in order to determine which hand is my left and which is my right.

You would think....at the age of 24.....that I would have this stuff down by now.

...and all the random things...

The best random things that have happened lately...are as follows.

Tuesday one of my piano students gave me a tract. She said her mom told her to give it to me. It didn't even have pictures...just a lot of reading.

Harry Potter at midnight...at the IMAX...with Keith, Shelley, and JK. Being in public with one Keith Martinkus at any point in time is always an adventure, but his antics are heightened after 10:00 pm when in a theater full of mostly high school kids. Not to mention that they gave us 3D glasses...which provided a great deal of entertainment for all parties. Keith is most proud of his t-shirt...he walked proudly through the theater sporting a green shirt proclaiming "Snape Happenz." It was supposed to say "Snape Happens" but we only had one S in the packet....so we improvised. This was all in an effort to keep him from being in "the burnt orange zone" (on the anger scale from red to green, red being the most angry) due to a fiasco on Saturday to which he refuses to let go. This experience was also made more enjoyable by Shelley, the most flexible person I know, continually throwing her legs over the railing in various attempts at "sexy" poses as we took pictures in our 3D glasses. As we were in the first row at the IMAX, Shelley decided to test Keith's devotion to her by claiming she dropped her flip flop over the railing into the sloping pit at the base of the screen...he was not dedicated enough to their relationship to make the sacrifice and jump over the railing.

Sunday it was so hot that JK and I decided we needed to buy a pool. Pictures to follow. It is inflatable. And magnificent.

Several exciting pieces of information:
I bought a macbook and am currently blogging on it. I'm very excited.
I found out that I got accepted into the English graduate program at DePaul. What a huge relief!

Also, I am currently addicted to Scrubs.

details.

My roommate, Shelley, and I just took the shortest "vacation" imaginable. But it was great. We drove to South Carolina on Monday night/Tuesday, stayed 2 days with her parents, who live near Hilton Head, and drove back Friday. All day Friday. Here are the highlights.

I think all the trees that were supposed to be in the Midwest mistakenly got dumped in Kentucky, Tennessee, and North Carolina. Driving through the Smoky Mountains was probably one of the best parts of the trip; miles and miles of green as far as you can see, fading to a blue haze in the distance.

The ocean is an awe-inspiring thing, even when you're there on a day the weather sucks. We decided to go to the beach on Thursday, but of course Thursday dawned overcast. We were determined, though, so we packed up and headed to Hilton Head Island for the beach. Even though we left with less of a tan than we had hoped, a little chilly, and covered with sand due to the extreme wind, I count it as a good day. There is nothing like the feeling of walking a beach, the sand squishing between your toes, the tide coming in and the water a pleasantly warm temperature swirling around your ankles.

We ate at a Jazz Club on Thursday night, which was possibly one of the most fun things I've done in weeks, maybe months. I hope everyone appreciates the skill level that jazz musicians have achieved. It was incredible. They played a 2-hour set before taking a break.

And on the drive home yesterday, I was bound and determined to stop at a Chick-Fil-A, since I love it, they serve sweet tea, and Shelley had never eaten there. Even though we had to go to a mall food court, it was worth the effort.

And I mustn't leave out the fact that I read aloud several chapters from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to Shelley while she drove. We are getting ready for the new movie and the new book, so since she hadn't finished book 6 yet, we were speeding the process along. Reading aloud is really fun. It made me realize how much I skip over when I'm reading silently, because it took forever to get through each chapter. And sadly, I can't do a British accent, so I'm afraid my version was less than authentic.

Of course, with much time to think come many new thoughts about life, my life in particular. These are still being processed and saved for another post. But God is beckoning me to let Him hold my heart for now, safe in the palm of His hand, and that His beauty is what restores my sanity.

Currently reading:
The Namesake--Jhumpa Lahiri
Orthodoxy--G.K. Chesterton

thoughts on art.

I am an artist. I've known this for a long time, and a lot of you who know me would probably say you've known that for a long time too, but sometimes I forget.

I forget that artists are some of the luckiest people in the world.

I forget that a lot of people don't get art. A lot of people don't appreciate it or understand it, and therefore dislike it.

That makes me sad.

Art is one of the most beautiful things about life. I just spent the last 3 days at the Willow Creek Arts Conference. Their title this year? Hallelujah....What's Right with the World.

How appropriate.

Because not only are artists the sensitive, soul-searching types...we also can be cynics. I don't like to think of myself as a cynic. I would love to be able to say that I'm an optimist. But I'm not. And living in a world that disregards art makes being an artist discouraging at times. Being an artist who is trying to convey that art is not just about beauty, it's about God's beauty....is suffocating at times. Because the world, on the whole, doesn't get that.

And I don't get how you could NOT get that.

How can you look at a tree and not see the hand of God? Have you ever really looked at a tree? Try it. Look at a tree in winter. I love trees in winter (one of the few things I enjoy about the cold season). All the branches are exposed, revealing the intricacies of this plant that grew from a single seed. I love trees in spring, when the leaves are just starting to emerge. I love trees in summer when the leaves have burst forth, bright and full and a thousand different shades of the color commonly known as green. I love trees in the fall, stripped of their chlorophyll, revealing the colors that lie hidden underneath.

How could you not see God in that?

How can you look at a waterfall, a rainbow, a thunderstorm, a mountain range, a desert, an ocean, a child's smile, a budding rose, the summer stars, a sunset, a dance, a painting, and not see beauty? And at the heart of that beauty, the essence of our Creator?

Call me crazy, because that's how I see the world. God is most present to me in the works of His hands. And the works of His hands are one of the biggest things RIGHT with the world. Definitely the biggest thing right with MY world.

It's been a trying few weeks. Life has this way of throwing things at you that you don't expect, and sometimes can't accept. No one expects heartbreak, but it catches up to all of us eventually.

Eventually is probably my least favorite word at the moment. Everyone always says that things will work out eventually, or that you will be OK eventually, or that they will do this or that eventually.....my friend Bob soothed my heart when he wished for me that he could make eventually be yesterday. Because then the eventual healing of my heartache would have already happened.

But the gut-wrenching beauty of this world....while it brings me to the verge of tears, a place I have been quite frequently since June 1st, it reminds me of my Love. And my Love reminds me that I am His artist. And that He created this beauty. For me. In my heartache, He gives me the devastating beauty of the world.

I love the song ALWAYS by Hillsong United for this reason....

Did You rise the sun for me?
Or paint a million stars that I might know Your majesty?
Is Your voice upon the wind?
Is everything I've known marked with my Maker's fingerprints?...

Can I feel You in the rain?
Abandon all I am to have You capture me again
Let the earth resound with praise
Can You hear as all creation lives to glorify one name?....