I have a problem.
I am quick to jump to conclusions about people. Sometimes this may be considered judgmental. I prefer to say I make incorrect assumptions. It softens the blow a bit.
Most recent case:
I have a student that I have a difficult time with. Sometimes I just don't like her. She has a tendency to be a bit annoying and most things that come out of her mouth are completely self-centered...although I guess these actions are fairly typical of a student, for some reason she bothers me more than my other students.
As I was venting to someone about this, though, I felt really convicted about feeling this way. So I'm trying to learn to like her. Maybe that's too big a step...first I'll start with just trying not to dislike her.
I find myself making these sorts of judgments too often. Sometimes I'll say I don't like someone, and when asked to give a reason, I can't really come up with anything. I just don't like them based on a personality trait or a misplaced comment or the fact that I have a very low tolerance level for annoying people. So I've decided that my tendency toward pre-judging people (or making assumptions) needs to be toned down a bit. After all, God loves us all. He even likes us all, which is the bigger issue.
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21 comments:
I was drawn to your posting by the title and ashamed when I read the body ,,, realizing I do much the same thing. Thank you for your posting your thoughts and comments, allowing me to 'observe' myself in them and therefore turn myself around to looking for things to like about everyone and practice way less 'disliking' in my life.
Great post...
I second that, especially as one who deals with lots of teenagers. It's natural to make judgments, but we have to allow ourselves to revise them.
Also, often teenagers give off a vibe which is very different than the way they intend; they haven't figured out their non-verbal communication skills yet. Or, they are trying out a particular personality for a while. It's frustrating.
Thanks for your patience with these kids, though. I know they love you and look up to you a ton.
I think in your quest to improve in this area, you should give bacon an other chance. You may have jumped to some conclusions about it. It just loves your tummy and wants to be apart of your complete breakfast.
I can identify with you there. Sometimes its hard to get over your initial feelings about someone. I think that it says alot about you that you are willing work at it though. Teens can be challenging, but the end results can be very rewarding. Espcially in the lives of the people that aren't as likeable.
Its funny that you brought it up though. I've been reading Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller, and he talks alot about unlikeables. Kind of made me realize that I am probably someone's unlikeable.
Maybe I shouldn't do what I do but with H.S. students do some 1 on 1 and tell them they are annoying in small groups. Usually there is a reason for annoying behavior and that can be settled in that environment.
Other than that I just accept that I don't like that person. I don't think I'm obligated to like every single person on the planet. But if they needed help I would be the first person to help. I think that is what "love like you love yourself" means
"I just don't like them based on a ...a misplaced comment..."
Note to self: don't leave any more cutesy, attempts at humor comments on Clarissa's blog or she may not l...
er - oh crap.
There are people that are harder to love. I am one of those people. I think because when you encounter this individual from a distance, they appear blunt, inappropriate and disrespectful. As a child I was always disliked by my teachers. I never trusted authority. I never believed authority had my best interest in mind. I beleive authority had their best interest in mind. Funny how God was the first authority figure i trusted, and that was in my twenties. Man do I wish i would have trusted sooner, but God has his timing .
I find usually my judgements about people are based on observations that are true. I can read people pretty well. The thing is if I am quick to not like them, usually its because i feel they don't like me so i want to critisize their faults and other times its because i am way to blind at how hard i am to like. if you can't say a reason, then why the heck would you even state you don't like them. that is childish. keep your oppinions to yourself. yes you do have a problem. you fail to see yourself accurately.
I'm sorry that I express my opinions on MY blog. If you have a problem with that, no one is forcing you to read. Also, if you feel the need to criticize me, please have the dignity to leave your name. And if you expect me to take you seriously, please check your spelling.
@ Anonymous you should probably read the first 2 paragraphs...
I am not talking about speaking oppinions on your blog i am talking about speaking your oppinions in the moment of telling someone you don't like someone else. Everyone can relate to not liking someone, but do we feel the need to voice it before we can come up with why? By your response it looks like you jump the gun on alot so i would check yourself. No one is attacking your BLOG, so if you feel the need to attack MY comment then go ahead. Just take the log out of your own eye first.
ps. i like reading your blog, you are a great writer, very authentic. One of the best ones i have read in a long time. thanks for writing, just don't take my oppinion so defensively. jeeez.
If you write about things like touching your eyeball for 'contact practice' people don't tend to be too critical. They think 'this guy is dumb' and move on.
OPINION has one P!!!
I just think it is funny when you write a blog saying "I do this and it is not right... I'm trying to do better." and someone makes a bunch of comments about how it is not right and you should try to do better. Wow, what a break through. Thanks for adding. LOL.
Anonymous wrote - "There are people that are harder to love. I am one of those people."
/agree
I have to say that I agree with Charissa. If you want to make comments that are misplaced, at least have the dignity to leave your name. I highly doubt that Charissa intended for this to be such a fiery topic, but I think it is great to address issues that we are working on. Also, its not like she is naming names and directing others to not like this person as well. Plus, spelling and punctuation are important if you are going to leave comments for the world to see.
My name is Mahumbegwe Tuluagfiye and I am from Nairobi Kenya. I have much dignity and passion for American culture and society. I have lived in American for 2 years and my spelling has improved . You may correct me more. In my culture one rarely will state their opinions (thank you for spelling) unless they are stated. AMerican culture states things with out any thought. I do not understand this. Perhaps you can enlighten me. I am a new Christian and I am so thankful to Americans for they are the reason I am not in poverty but am able to live and provide for my family and relatives. Please do not understand my comments to be against you. No I am for you. It will not let me leave my name because i do not have a account as of yet. Thank you.
Hey Charissa - from one youth worker to the next: don't worry about not liking certain students. That happens all the time. Just make sure you treat them all the same and w/ much respect. Liking them all is not required, loving them is.
I would put a nice C.S. Lewis quote in here but I don't remember how it goes...something about action before feelings and things will eventually line up.
Charissa and all grammarites-
Did you hear about this Ernie Banks statue story?
So the Cubs unveiled a new Ernie Banks statue just outside the Wrigley Field gates a bit north of Clark and Addison on Monday before the season opener against Milwaukee.
But what seemed to be lost in all the pomp and circumstance during Banks’ presser was somewhat of a glaring typo: the south side of the statue is missing an apostrophe on “let’s” in the phrase "let's play two" carved into the statue base.
What a bunch of dork's!
Long time reader - first time commenter (so no, I'm not the other anonymous - I just don't have an account)....
Yes, I think we all have those people that are difficult to like. And students can sometimes be the hardest to like. But... I honestly don't know if this is an entirely blog-friendly subject, especially when your blog can be accessed for your church website. Do your students read your blog? I'm all for freedom of speech, but I'm more about loving and protecting people - especially students. Could you imagine reading this about yourself? Or your kid? Or your friend? I don't know - I feel like this post could do a lot of damage.
And please - for the love of God everyone - quit judging people on their spelling and their grammar. It's ignorant and it's rude.
Charissa, are you talking about me? Do you hate me? I'm rilly sorri if you dew. I'll trie to bee a beter frend in the fuchure.
Bre
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