Lately I have been experiencing a kind of cynical block about "religion." And by lately I really mean for the last several months. See, I am struggling with the balance of being excited about my faith and the power of God and the cheese factor.
What is the cheese factor, you ask? I can most accurately describe my attitude about it in two words: Christian DJs.
In order to break some of my cynicism I have started listening to more Christian radio, but I can't stand the DJs. They just infuriate me sometimes with their pat answers to everything, their happy, everything-will-be-ok-with-God comments. I can't really explain why it bothers me as much as it does. I think it comes down to a lack of faith on my part, that when I hear someone talking about praying and the power it has, sometimes I scoff in disbelief. Even though all my life I've experienced the power of prayer, I still have a hard time sometimes believing it does any good. This is my cynical side.
In light of so many atrocities in our world, I frequently despair that anything can make a difference. Sometimes not even our pleas to God seem to change things. And when I'm hurting and someone tells me they're praying for me, all I can do is smile at them and say thank you, even though I want to ask why, why they think it will make a difference...
Those are my darker moments. When I let myself undo the foundations of my whole life. Ultimately I am rooted on the promises of God, that He is faithful, that He never leaves us alone and vulnerable. All I have to stand on most days are those promises, and the lingering dream of who I could be if I truly, truly, firmly planted my feet in them, not to be moved.
The good news is that I have heard a few songs on the Christian radio station that I love. One is by Brooke Fraser (from Hillsong United). I love these lyrics. They are like water on my dry soul:
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that i've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day
when the world has fallen out from under me
i'll be found in You, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
i'll be found in You
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6 comments:
The thing that is interesting to me is I think most of the time I think I am praying to change God's mind and instead He wants me to pray to change my heart.
Good post as usual.
I hear ya, Charissa. I think that so much when I hear them on the radio, or I hear words like that said from close friends. Ultimately, I chalk it up to the fact that I am trying to put God and His power on a level that I can understand, and really, I can't. Try as I want to know just what He is doing, it's beyond my comprehension.
Christian radio DJs are terrible. I always remind myself that these people are paid communicators and it's more about vocal quality and delivery than about content. They are not spiritual guides - they are fake. Nobody projects their faith like that at all times...it's all a part of the 'show.'
I'm not saying they aren't faithful Christians...but the reality of the struggles of a faithful Christian aren't really a part of their scripts.
I agree with you on struggling with the cheesiness factor. I guess if they wern't happy they would be nihlists but at least they would be honest.
Thanks for keeping up with us. See you soon.
I also struggle with viewing people's sincerity as naivity. I just want hands and feet on my faith. If I have problem, I know prayer is powerful, but so is actual help. Don't just tell me prayer works. Let's pray together while we make a difference working.
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