allegiance

I admit that when it comes to politics, I am an apathist. Yes, that is a word I just made up, but it describes me perfectly. I don't care, really. I am as apathetic as one can possibly be about politics. I voted in the 2000 election--because I could. Because I had just turned eighteen that year and there was a small measure of excitement in voting. And I haven't voted since then. I blame it on the fact that I moved and am not registered where I live now...which is lame, I know. It all comes back to being an apathist.

Sometimes I want to be a more aware, more involved citizen, but it never lasts. And I pretend that I know what's going on in the caucuses right now, and at least I know the candidates' names...but that's the extent of it. And I never want to be involved enough to actually do it.

I wonder where this comes from. I've heard some sad statistics about the percentage of the population that votes; if I remember correctly, it's distressingly low. Yet despite the low level of actual involvement in the decision of our country's leadership, everyone later becomes a critic at some point. And I'll admit I've made my fair share of jokes at the expense of the president--but this joking manner generally pertains to his unusual vocabulary (which I technically can no longer mock since I myself invented my own word earlier in this post) and his lack of eloquence when speaking publicly.

I saw a sign a few months ago on my way home from class in Lincoln Park--it said God Bless America, God Damn Our President.

Really?

Maybe the person who made that sign did vote. Maybe not. But something about that struck me as somewhat offensive...and I don't even have strong feelings about the president one way or another.

And lest this becomes a forum for political debate, let me repeat: I am apathetic toward our current government, our future government, and the state of politics in general. I wish I cared. I'm sure that eventually something will make me care. I have never felt a real sense of allegiance to this country, though. Maybe it is rooted in the fact that my mother is Canadian--she has lived in the US for twenty-six years and is still a Canadian citizen...she carries a green card. Maybe it is rooted in the fact that I find so many other countries so much more interesting than this one--and though I live here, I have never felt that I couldn't live somewhere else.

Maybe I find it something of a paradox to ask God to bless America and damn its leader at the same time.

Maybe my allegiance lies to something bigger than borders and public policy and presidential candidates and the Constitution. Which may be heresy. But I might also just chalk it up to my apathetic state.