...when being a woman in ministry feels a little bit like trying to get into the Boys' Club. They are all sitting around drinking beer and eating potato chips and I walk in with a martini...I'm at the party but not really partying.
I don't think this is ever the intention. I don't believe for a second that the guys I work with even think about the fact that they are guys and I am not. But I have the overwhelming urge sometimes to prove that I can do everything they can do, and I can do it better.
Is it wrong to be competitive in ministry? I always say that I'm not a competitive person...and relatively speaking, that is true. At least in comparison with certain parties....particularly the Pruntys....I am very non-competitive. But I think the truth is that I only compete when I think I can. When I think I am equal to the challenge and there is a chance that I might "win." It comes back to my fear of looking stupid in front of people. If I know I'm going to make a fool of myself, I will either not do something or I will make fun of how bad I am at that something. (I am trying to overcome this...Lucas is helping by making me do things like play Guitar Hero and go skiing.) But when it comes to ministry, I want my ministry to be the best. I want to prove that I can hack it, that being a girl doesn't put me at a disadvantage.
But I don't think I will ever like beer, so maybe the Boys' Club isn't for me after all...
*the author would like to thank Julie and a random bartender for inspiring this conversation*
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7 comments:
here's a little observation for you (via sonia arkkelin)
i think in that situation, it is best to not try and prove anything. if you become forceful in "hey i can do that too!!!" then it can lead to bad things...like being seen as the man girl or the femi-nazi....lol...just kidding but for real, if no one was drinking a martini and EVERYONE was drinking beer and eating potato chips, where's the fun? there is nothing different to pull away from monotonous everyday life! you just keep on drinking that martini!
I think you should just like beer. And yes I'm up at 2:15. I'm so over drama.... For real.
Does this mean u want to challenge Brad Prunty to an arm wrestling match at our next All-Staff? Or how 'bout u and Julie in a tag team match against both Prunty's? I can arrange that. I gotta ask: While the Boys' Club thing may not be intentional, it's nevertheless real. So, any thoughts on how the party could feel more gender-inclusive or welcoming of members totin' martinis? - Jon
You are my fav female Montgomery Creative Arts Director... haha no really you are my fav and we have way too much fun... Thanks for good times, luvin our jobs, and stickin together to figure it all out... :) - Julie
Us beer drinkin, potato chip eating club members have a lot to learn from your beautiful blend of strength and grace. I love getting to serve with you and am glad that it isn't just a boys club. If I ever make you feel less than 100% appreciated than throw your martini in my face!
Tim
Is it wrong to compete in ministry?
For me, that depends on the reason for competing. Is being the best all about me?
For a long time I was the only female and the best at the ministry I'm in.
Well, ... out of work, unable to find a job and having ministry be the only positive growth in my life at the time--it wasn't completely about me, but I didn't realize the extent to which I defined my value by what I did--so the "about me" part got bigger and bigger.
I learned how to spell "relational destruction" by not letting go of controlling how things had to be. So, I got to do ministry (all by myself for a long, long time)--and that was before I got the great job, the nice car (no more junker Fords), and the apartment with a pond outside my window.
I'd like to think I'm the best at the aspect of this ministry that interests me. Best is in the eye of the beholder. And I'm very glad for the MAN who likes the nuts and bolts part. It means I can concentrate on what actually interests me. And I have a few more MEN to steal ideas from. I'm working at slowing down for the people instead of simply running them over.
So is it wrong to compete in ministry? When it steps on the toes of others, absolutely, yes, and if anyone does that long enough like I did it could be like the OT quail story. They ate quail until they gagged on it.
Is it wrong to compete in ministry?
Why am I competing? Is being the best all about me?
For a long time I was the best in the ministry I'm in and I'm female.
Well, ... having ministry be the only positive growth in my life at one time--it wasn't completely about me. I didn't realize the extent to which I defined my value by what I did--so the "about me" part got bigger and bigger.
And I stepped on the toes of others. They didn't care about my "being the best" because I was a complete jag off to deal with.
People are more important now.
My take on it: if being the best (male or female) makes it hard for others to be around me--then I'm not the "best" as I'm too hard to deal with.
And I'm very grateful for the MAN in my ministry who likes hardware so well.
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